Archives for July 2018

Being Judgmental Can be a Sledgehammer or a Scalpel

July 22, 2018 by admin Leave a Comment

My friend astutely observed that being “Judgmental” can be a sledgehammer or a scalpel.

Today, our culture uses the term “Judgmental” as a sledgehammer. Any assessment of one person toward another is bad – unkind, at best, despicable, at worst. Unfortunately, our culture is half-right.

Certainly, the arbitrary labeling of someone, based upon a difference of opinion, intended to hurt, with no correction for the better, is bad, unkind, and despicable. However, an accurate assessment of destructive behavior, that needs to be corrected for the good of the person and society, is a life-saving scalpel. That distinction with a difference is lost on today’s culture. Hence, labeling all judgment as bad.

As a result, “troubled students”, that desperately need medical & emotional intervention, simply revolve between the classroom and the Principal’s Office, without getting the help they need. No one wants to be “Judgmental” and tarnish the students’ self-esteem.

Then we are shocked. Shocked! When a disturbed student enters a school and kills a dozen innocent people. We blame the guns because it is expedient and fashionable. But, we don’t blame ourselves for not making the proper “Judgement”, that would have helped that student, and saved a dozen lives.

Making an honest, accurate assessment of the reality of destructive behavior, and making the proper caring solution to resolve the disturbed motivation, is in the best interest of the particular person, and society as a whole. Then, being judgmental is a life-saving scalpel.

Troubled children are not a new phenomenon. In Socrates’ day, youth, called “Contrarians”, actually walked backwards. Seneca’s essay, “O Tempora! O Mores!” chronicled the disturbing behavior of Roman youth. Our refusal to identify and treat the real problem, because we eschew being “Judgmental”, is “New.”

If we cannot recognize, despise, and destroy evil, then we are lost. Edmund Burke warned, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil, is that good men do nothing.”

Equally sinister, is our forsaking the “good”, in search of the “perfect”. Ironically, this is the reciprocal-inverse of an honest, accurate “judgment”. For example, we chastise the “Founding Fathers” for owning slaves, while ignoring their historical brilliance for the establishment of a government, “Of the people, by the people, and for the people” to provide “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness”.

We diminish Lincoln’s integrity and courage to fight a Civil War over the “Emancipation Proclamation”, freeing the slaves our forefathers forgot, because aspects of prejudice lingered for over a century later.

Our culture is equally wrong’ by ignoring the good of our forefathers, and incorrectly labeling others today as “Judgmental” for recognizing evil and attempting to correct it.

Perhaps, our culture can rectify its errors about being “Judgmental”, and use the life-saving scalpel of caring, honest judgment to help others, and society as a whole. Innocent lives depend on it.

“A Life-Changing Experience”, for $5 Bucks, at Mc D’s

July 22, 2018 by admin Leave a Comment

*Above YouTube video enhances blog post message Below

My friend lost everything he had, in an instant – like Job, in the Old Testament. An unforeseen, unscrupulous, devious 3^rd party event shut down his business. In one day, he lost all of his income, money, and assets. He was broke.

During the painful personal adjustment period to that catastrophic financial loss, he was in Mc Donalds about to order a breakfast value meal. The $5 in his pocket was all he had for the day.

The man next to him at the counter was fumbling in his pockets, looking for money. Some coins fell to the floor. There were a few crumpled dollars, along with some change, on the counter.

One of the father’s 3 young sons said that he was hungry. The sons’ ages seemed to range from 4 to 8. The father said that they might have to share their breakfast. Obviously, the father did not have enough money to pay for his kids’ breakfasts.

The next thing my friend knew was that he was bending over, with his crumpled 5 dollar bill in his hand. He tapped the father’s shoe. The father looked down, and my friend asked, “Is this what you were looking for?” My friend handed the father the $5, and said, “This fell out of your pocket during your scrambling search.” Their eyes met. Nothing was said. The father’s tear was enough gratitude.

My friend left, without ordering breakfast. It was the only money he had. Funny thing, he didn’t feel hungry. He felt good. He didn’t know why he did that. He didn’t plan on doing it. He recalled Christ’s comment about love: “By this, shall all men know that you are my disciple, if you love one another, as I have loved you.” -unconditionally.

My friend thought that, If Christ could hang on a wooden cross for 3 hours, bloody and beaten, as the perfect sacrifice for the forgiveness of ALL sins, then the sacrifice of $5 was the least he could do. By the way, the word “sacrifice” does not mean: “Loss”.

The word “sacrifice” comes from 2-Latin words: “Sacri / Faciam”, meaning: “To Make Holy”. In some small way, giving that father $5 for his sons’ breakfasts, was holy. Sharing something, whether from surplus or need, is holy.

The Above YouTube Music Video Captures the Essence of the Blog Post Message to Sacrifice & Share

Sharing something, without asking anything in return, is also an act of love.

About Thriving Marriages & Lasting Relationships

July 22, 2018 by admin 2 Comments

*Above YouTube Music Video Enhances Blog Post Message Below:

On my friend’s son’s wedding day, he recalled the first time that the spirit of God’s unselfish love entered the wedding couple’s hearts and souls. It was at their baptisms. And from all the days, from those days to this, how God’s grace nurtured that love until it matured into the rich fullness, that allowed them to vow to each other, to share that love for the rest of their lives.

Love is less about moonlight & balconies, and more about patience and acceptance – sharing all that we are and have, asking nothing in return. Today’s culture promotes the selfishness of “What’s in it for me?” Asking “What’s in it for me?” is a selfishness that calcifies the heart – a pride that suffocates the ability to forgive.

The mantra of the movie “Love Story’ was, “Being in love is never having to say you’re sorry.” That’s nonsense. All relationships require forgiveness. “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the boot that crushed it.” – Twain. Couples, blessed with tenderness of heart, write their hurts in sand, and record the kindness shown to them, in stone. They will never know bitterness.

Surrendering the need to be right eliminates many needless arguments and hurt.. The need to be right is often the common denominator concerning fights over money, sex, child rearing, etc. It’s more about pride, and less about solutions. Clinging to the need to be right tears the fabric of love.

The opposite of love is not hate. Hate is love hurt. The opposite of love is indifference. Indifference is the cold life-less vacuum in which love withers & dies. Hate hurts & harms. Indifference destroys.

Love is not conditional. It’s not, “I’ll love you if you’re rich… if you’re famous…if you’re sexy.” Unselfish love allows couples to enjoy each other just the way they are, without conditions. Unconditional love allows couples to treat the inevitable, “For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in heath” as temporary inconveniences.

On my friend’s 45^th wedding Anniversary, he and his wife renewed their 50/50 marriage vows. Only those vows are very different from the customary understanding of a 50/50 relationship. They vowed to give 100% of themselves to each other. Mathematically, their marriage is 50/50, but their relationship is much more than half-hearted. So, if someone gives less than 100%, there is plenty of reserve for the relationship to thrive.

When couples do all those things, they experience the lyrics of a popular song: “To support each other to stand on mountains, to comfort each other during stormy seas, and to encourage each other to become all that they can be.” – Josh Groban. Do that, and forgive the exceptions.

So, love is counter-intuitive. It doesn’t ask “What’s in it for me?” “Love is less about “Moonlight and Balconies”, and more about patience and acceptance. It’s sharing who we are, asking nothing in return. Love has no conditions. Surrenders the need to be right. And loves one another, as God loves us.”

(Those same principles apply to all relationships, between: parents and children, brothers and sisters, friends and neighbors, and “Man” and God.

The “Toasts” at my friend’s son’s Wedding and at my friend’s 45^th Wedding Anniversary were a “Blessing”:

“May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back.

May the sun shine warm on your face, and the rain fall soft on your fields.

And for the rest of your wedded life, May God hold you in the palm of His Hand.”

The Combination of Majestic Music, with a Poignant Picture, and Insightful Prose

connects the Sanctuary of our soul with the Bosom of God.

It Takes “Immense Patience” to Find “The True North Compass of Our hearts”

July 22, 2018 by admin Leave a Comment

*Above YouTube Music Video Enhances Blog Post Message Below:

There are 2-Degrees of Difference between the “True North” and the “Magnetic North” of a compass. That difference doesn’t matter for a short trip, like Chicago to Milwaukee. But it is disastrous for a long journey, like from Chicago to Hawaii. Then, the flight will disappear somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, without ever getting close to Hawaii.

Likewise, there seems to be a small difference between the “True North” of our mind & soul, and the “Magnetic North” of our wants & appetites. The “True North” of our mind & soul seeks the ultimate “Truth and Good”. The “Magnetic North” of our wants and appetites seek the immediate gratification of: Wealth, Fame, Power, and Pleasure. In the short run, it may not matter. But over our lifetime journey, the difference is disastrous.

Our mind is a relentless search engine. It wants to know everything, about everything. It is constantly searching for the ultimate, immutable “Truth”. Along the way, it finds functional truth that allows us to live, work, and play. But it constantly seeks the absolute “Truth” of our existence, which is more than our families, job, hobbies, etc. All those things are transient. The absolute “Truth” is eternal. So, our mind’s restless search continues.

Likewise, our “Soul” relentlessly searches for the “Good”, our ultimate, enduring happiness. In the short term, the satisfaction of gratuitous appetites appears sufficient. Over a lifetime, that journey ends up so lost, in a place so dark. Suicides of the rich & famous are the sad testimony that fortune and fame are not the solutions they promise to be. They are illusions. Power and pleasure are equally ephemeral, subject to the whims of a capricious culture and the disillusions of unsatisfied appetites, as Solomon summarized, “Vanity. All is vanity.” So, our Souls’ restless search for the absolute “Good” continues. (“As the deer pants for the flowing stream, so our soul thirsts for the Living God.”)

Clearly, the “True North” of our Mind & Soul is not found in the transient things on earth. It is found in the eternal Truth and Good of God. God is Love. The counter-intuitive, Spiritual Physics is that God’s unconditional love vertically flows through us, horizontally to others, and back to God. And so on, and so on. The more we share God’s love with others, the more is given to us. (If hoarded, it withers and dies, like the manna in the desert.) Our happiness grows the more we share it with others. That’s the Cosmic Mystical Paradox.

Confirmation of the above statements is found in the simple prayer of Thomas Aquinas: “Lord, you made us for Yourself, therefore our heart is restless, until it rests in Thee.” The question remains, “What must we do for our heart to rest in the Palm of God’s hand? The answer is “Immense Patience”.

“Immense Patience” allows us to remove the obstacles from preventing God’s Grace to land in our hearts. It takes time to remove self-reliance as the answer to our security. It takes time to remove prejudice and recognize that others are made in the image and likeness of God. It takes time to remove the selfishness of “What’s in it for me?” It takes time to accept and practice the counter-intuitive notion of Love: Giving who we are and what we have to others, asking nothing in return. So, we receive more of God’s grace to share, when we give it away, by caring for others.It takes “Immense Patience” to do those things.

Humility and gratitude are a part of “Immense Patience”. Humility acknowledges that we are a creature of the “Creator”. Gratitude recognizes that we are sinners reconciled to God by a Loving Redeemer. Then, we can play “Catch” with God. God throws us a “ball of grace”, and we throw it to others, who throws it back, and so on. That game of “Catch” is called “Love”. That game experiences no “Loss”. That game is played with joy…and never ends.

All it takes is “Immense Patience” to play.

The combination of Majestic Music, a Poignant Picture, and Insightful Prose

connects the Sanctuary of our Soul to the Bosom Of God.