Archives for November 2019

A Family’s Enduring Friendship with a Stranger.

November 28, 2019 by admin Leave a Comment

A Family’s Enduring Friendship with a Stranger.

Forty years ago, my friend got a phone call from a stranger about a week before Christmas. The stranger said that he played “Santa” for my friend’s next-door neighbor’s kids. Her kids had grown, and there is no need for “Santa” anymore. She thought that your kids might like “Santa” to visit them in Christmas Eve.My friend replied that he wanted to check with his neighbor, and then call him back.

The neighbor said that he was a phenomenal “Santa”. He would call a few days before Christmas, and ask about things for a “Naughty & Nice” list. Things that the kids thought no one knew about. He also asked that one gift for each person would be put into a large, plastic, garbage bag, which would be placed outside, behind the shrubs, near the front door. He would put that bag inside his white cloth Santa sack of gifts. Her kids loved him.

When my friend called “Santa” back, he was given the same set of instructions. My friend asked what he charged for doing this. “Santa” replied, “Nothing”. He explained that his wife had died, and his children were grown and gone. He just wanted to make one family happy at Christmas. My friend asked, “But what about celebrating Christmas with your other relatives and friends?” “Santa” said that he was Jewish.

My friend said, “Please come”, and thanked him profusely. When the door-bell rang on Christmas Eve, there stood in the doorway a magnificent, jolly, “Santa” bellowing, “Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas”, as he walked into their home with a large, white sack on his back. (He made the Santa in the “Miracle on 34th Street” look like an imposter.) Time stood still for a moment. Then, everyone excitedly welcomed “Santa’ into their Living Room. My friend gestured for “Santa” to sit in in the large, comfortable wing-chair, by the grandfather clock. The excitement in the room was palpable.

Dad was first to sit on “Santa’s” lap. The kids squealed in delight when “Santa” told dad about a “Naughty” thing he did last year. When “Santa said that dad was nice most of the time, his wife laughed a bit too loud. “Santa” gave dad a gift that he said he always wanted. And so it went throughout the evening – laughs & smiles – gifts & gratitude – hugs & kisses. It was a Christmas Eve like no other. When the sack was empty, “Santa” stood, and said, “Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas” as he walked to the door. (My friend handed “Santa” an envelope with a “Gift” for whomever “Santa” chose.) Their eyes met. Nothing was said. But both men parted with lighter hearts.

Year after year, as the family grew with 2 more children, “Santa” was always spot-ion with his “Naughty & Nice” list, much to the delight of everyone, but the person on “Santa’s” lap. Until the phone rang a month before Christmas, and “Santa” told my friend that his company transferred him to a city 1,000 miles away. “Santa” couldn’t come to his home that Christmas Eve, or ever again. The silence seemed like an eternity before my friend said, “Good luck. You brought more joy to our home than you can imagine. You are a kind & loving man. I hope my children become like you. God Bless.” There were several sobs, before the phone “clicked”.

The mood at the family dinner table that night was like a friend had died. “Santa” was a stranger. No one ever saw his “real” face. No one even knew his name. Yet, every Christmas Eve, “Santa” brought a “Gift” to the family that couldn’t fit into his large, white, cloth sack. Every Christmas Eve since something was missing.

One Autumn day, my friend was walking through a restaurant, when he heard someone call out his name. He turned, but didn’t recognize anyone. “It’s me. Santa.” It was the first time that my friend saw “Santa’s” real face. They talked for a while, catching up on what happened since “Santa” left. Then my friend asked if “Santa” could come to his home for Christmas Eve. There was an awkward silence. My friend continued, “My wife’s mother had immensely enjoyed “Santa’s” visits. However, her health was failing after her 2nd heart valve replacement. This might be her last Christmas. “Santa” nodded that he would come. He would need the usual information about everyone there.

My friend’s wife couldn’t contain herself. She was like a giddy school girl. Her mother shared her glee. They both got on the phone Her mother inviting her sons. His wife inviting neighbors from previous Christmas Eves. The list of “Naughty & Nice” would boggle Einstein’s mind. When the door bell rang on Christmas Eve, the house full of family & friends rushed to the front door.

My friend composed himself, and quieted the mob. But, when the front door opened, all hell broke loose. You could barely hear “Santa” say, “Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas.” My friend’s Mother-in-Law was the first to sit on “Santa’s” lap. There was nothing “Naughty” for “Santa” to tell her.

Instead, “Santa” said, “You are the most remarkable person to ever sit on my lap. Fifteen years ago, you had the courage to survive the experimental “Pig-Valve” replacement heart surgery. Then 5 years ago, you gracefully endured a 2nd heart valve replacement surgery, as the 1st valve was tearing away from your heart.” I cannot give you a better gift, than being surrounded by your 3 children, 4 grandchildren, and a roomful of genuine friends who wish you, “Merry Christmas”.

The room erupted with a joyous “Merry Christmas” that rivaled the heavens & shepherds singing at the 1st Christmas in Bethlehem. The Rockefeller Center “Tree Lighting Ceremony” pales in comparison.

It took hours for everyone to sit on “Santa’s” lap. One neighbor had tears rolling down his cheeks when “Santa” told him that because he was a “Scotsman”, he would enjoy playing St. Andrews in the summer. The neighbor was flabbergasted. And so it went for the rest of the night, until “Santa” told everyone their “Naughty & Nice” story, and gave them a gift. They treasured “Santa” more than their gift.

“Santa” kissed my friend’s mother-in-law on the cheek when he left. Her smile spoke volumes of joy. She died a week later. Perhaps, St. Peter was wearing a “Santa” outfit when he welcomed her into heaven.

My friend never had a better friend than that “Stranger”.

About “Forgiveness”

November 27, 2019 by admin Leave a Comment

About “Forgiveness”

For a long time, my friend struggled with the “Our Father’s” conditional forgiveness: “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” His struggle is deeply rooted in his brother’s abusive, vindictive hatred towards his parents, himself, family, and friends. For example, his brother threatened to destroy his father’s business when his father was old and sick. His brother attempted to deny his mother’s rightful inheritance when his dad died. The scars from this hatred demanded justice for healing.

His brother’s hatred began with abusive childhood name-calling, and escalated to vindictiveness when he was faced with a severe business problem. His brother called my friend and threatened to kill him (“I will come to your home and shoot you in front of your wife & kids.”) if my friend didn’t lend him $90,000. My friend lent his brother the money. His brother never repaid him. He didn’t attempt legal collection out of fear for his family. Their sister, who witnessed her brother’s irrational vindictive hatred her entire life, said, “He’s always responded with rage to the slightest offense, real or imagined.”

So, my friend struggled with the “Our Father’s” conditional forgiveness. His brother’s hatred towards him syphoned forgiveness from my friend’s heart. Bitterness, anger, and revenge filled that vacuum, and layers of indifference calcified his heart. His hardened heart was impervious to Christ’s command, “To love one another as I (Christ) have loved you.” Nothing would quench his hurt. Justice was impossible. Forgiveness, unthinkable.

Over time, my friend learned that the only thing that matters is his relationship with God. As Paul wrote, “I consider everything else so much rubbish”. Christ clearly stated, “It is the Spirit that gives life. The flesh profits nothing.” The tension – between the spirit’s mercy and the human desire for justice – makes forgiveness hard.

To help us, the Holy Spirit whispers that, “God made us in His image and likeness”, and “God loved us so much, that He sent His Son to die for our sins.” From the cross, Christ said, “Father forgive them (false accusers & brutal executioners) for they know not what they do.” My friend saw himself at the foot of the cross with the Romans and Jews, and cried – “My hatred was no different from theirs, or my brother’s”. Then, the rock fell from my friend’s fingers.

He experienced Christ’s forgiveness, and the presence of God within him – the peace, comfort, and joy of the companionship of God. Nothing else matters, because God is sovereign over all things -accepting that reality changes everything. He now lives and prays as the Psalmist, “As the deer pants for the flowing stream, so my soul thirsts for the Living God.” That relationship requires repentance.

Repentance requires humility (of creature to Creator), gratitude (of sinner to Savior), surrender (of selfishness to God’s will) and trust (in God’s grace – for God is sovereign of all things.) Forgiveness flows from repentance. “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the boot that crushed it.” (Twain) Forgiveness is not the logical output of the mind. Forgiveness is a spiritual gift of the heart.

Grace replaced my friend’s anger with empathy. His “need to be right” with understanding. And quenched his hurt, with peace.Only the tenderness of God’s Grace can break hearts of stone.

The Meaning of Wishing: “Merry Christmas”

November 27, 2019 by admin Leave a Comment

The Meaning of Wishing: “Merry Christmas”

My friend’s Christmas card contained this handwritten message:

Christmas is the echo of Eternity touching Time.
The Incarnation of the Son of God into the baby Jesus is the gift of Christmas.
The Divine became human, so that humanity could share in the Divine – the Peace & Joy of the companionship of God.

God so loved the world
(and especially the men & women, whom He created in His Image and Likeness)
that He sent His only Son
(The Personification of Divine Love)
to become man,
(to suffer & die on the Cross to absolve all men & women, from all sin)
so that all who believe in Him, shall not perish, but have life everlasting – John 3:16.

God’s unilateral, unconditional New Testament Covenant of Love restored
the broken relationship between God and men & women.
The first Christmas is the beginning of that wonderful restoration,

It’s the begging of re-grafting broken branches into the life-giving vine.
It’s the beginning of experiencing the presence of God within us.
It’s the beginning of the gift of Grace, flowing through one broken vessel to another,
serving as the gyroscope for our souls, to love God and each other, as Christ loves us.

All of that is said & shared, when we wish someone:

“Merry Christmas”

Being Judgmental Can be a Sledgehammer or a Scalpel

November 27, 2019 by admin Leave a Comment

Being Judgmental Can be a Sledgehammer or a Scalpel

My friend astutely observed that being “Judgmental” can be a sledgehammer or a scalpel.

Today, our culture uses the term “Judgmental” as a sledgehammer. Any assessment of one person toward another is bad – unkind, at best, despicable, at worst. Unfortunately, our culture is half-right.

Certainly, the arbitrary labeling of someone, based upon a difference of opinion, intended to hurt, with no correction for the better, is bad, unkind, and despicable. However, an accurate assessment of destructive behavior, that needs to be corrected for the good of the person and society, is a life-saving scalpel. That distinction with a difference is lost on today’s culture. Hence, labeling all judgment as bad.

As a result, “troubled students”, that desperately need medical & emotional intervention, simply revolve between the classroom and the Principal’s Office, without getting the help they need. No one wants to be “Judgmental” and tarnish the students’ self-esteem.

Then we are shocked. Shocked! When a disturbed student enters a school and kills a dozen innocent people. We blame the guns because it is expedient and fashionable. But, we don’t blame ourselves for not making the proper “Judgement”, that would have helped that student, and saved a dozen lives.

Making an honest, accurate assessment of the reality of destructive behavior, and making the proper caring solution to resolve the disturbed motivation, is in the best interest of the particular person, and society as a whole. Then, being judgmental is a life-saving scalpel.

Troubled children are not a new phenomenon. In Socrates’ day, youth, called “Contrarians”, actually walked backwards. Seneca’s essay, “O Tempora! O Mores!” chronicled the disturbing behavior of Roman youth. Our refusal to identify and treat the real problem, because we eschew being “Judgmental”, is “New.”

If we cannot recognize, despise, and destroy evil, then we are lost. Edmund Burke warned, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil, is that good men do nothing.”

Equally sinister, is our forsaking the “good”, in search of the “perfect”. Ironically, this is the reciprocal-inverse of an honest, accurate “judgment”. For example, we chastise the “Founding Fathers” for owning slaves, while ignoring their historical brilliance for the establishment of a government, “Of the people, by the people, and for the people” to provide “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness”.

We diminish Lincoln’s integrity and courage to fight a Civil War over the “Emancipation Proclamation”, freeing the slaves our forefathers forgot, because aspects of prejudice lingered for over a century later.

Our culture is equally wrong’ by ignoring the good of our forefathers, and incorrectly labeling others today as “Judgmental” for recognizing evil and attempting to correct it.

Maybe, our culture can rectify its errors about being “Judgmental”. Use the life-saving scalpel of caring, honest judgment to help others, and society as a whole. Innocent lives depend on it.