“Once Upon a Time”, A Boy Could Ride His Bike To …

My friend was sad. He felt badly for his one-year old grandson. His grandson wouldn’t be able to enjoy the freedom of his childhood that his grandfather experienced. Not everything was Good in the “Good-Old-Days”, but some things were Good: Freedom, Creativity, Honesty, Common Courtesy.

Margaret Mead did a Social Study of Samoans in the 1950’s. A Samoan was working on a boat on the beach near the shoreline. Mead asked the Samoan if he would “Steal” that better boat nearby, when nobody was watching. The Samoan responded, “Why would I do That? That boat doesn’t belong to me.“ Margaret Mead learned that the Samoan language didn’t even have a word for “Steal”. Samoans had NO concept of theft in the 50’s.

Grade School ended at 3:30. My friend would walk 2 blocks home from school, change clothes, then ride his bike to the playground. (He never locked his bike. None of his friends locked their bikes.) There he met about a dozen other boys from school. The number of boys determined what sport that they would play that day: Soft Ball. Tag Football, or, Basketball.

Two Captains were selected, depending on the sport chosen. The captains then chose their teams, one by one, calling out each selection of the boys standing in front of them, by name. No “feelings” were hurt. No one’s “Self-Esteem” was crushed. Each boy honestly knew which of the boys were better at a sport, than the other boys.

Some were better than others at softball. A different ranking of boys occurred when they played football. A third ranking for basketball. All the boys knew which boys were better than others at different sports. They also knew who were better students than others. Honesty Reigned. Some boys were better than others at different things. And every day, some won, and some lost. There were no “Participation” medals. Boys learned “To treat Triumph & Disaster, just the same. Boys learned how to become Men.

The Above YouTube Music Video Lyrics Tell the Story about Freedom. Creativity. Honesty

More importantly, no parents were involved. The boys relied on their own Creativity to decide what sport to play, what rules applied (Right Field Out, or Pitcher’s Hands Out), if there weren’t enough for a full softball team. Every day was different. Every day was fun. They didn’t need parental organization. They didn’t need Adult supervision to resolve disputes. Even though sometimes it meant a bloody lip (a badge of honor.)

But most important, it was Freedom. Freedom to ride his bike to the playground 3 blocks away, or to the Park 9 blocks away (But with grass fields, instead of asphalt). Or, maybe he’d just go to his friend, Timmy’s home. All that mattered was that he came home at 6pm. If he was late, he learned that he lost his privilege of Freedom, for a day. A “Loss” that only took a few times to learn: “Never be Late”.

Fortunately, this was back in a day when screen doors weren’t locked. When neighbors looked out for each other’s children. When there were only a few gangs and mo drugs & guns.

Sadly today, a young girl skipping rope in a playground is killed by a hail of random bullets of during a “Drug War”. Or the girl sitting on the porch, listening to her grandpa’s stories, is gunned down by stray bullets from a “Drive-By” shooting. Or a girl sitting inside her home, on the couch watching TV, is killed by  random gunshots, through the House wall, from two men arguing outside.

Random death is the Reality for some children after school, today. They have no choice. They have no defense. There is no Freedom. They will Never enjoy the “Swings of Pleiades” or the “Reddening of a “Rose”. How sad.

Perhaps, Some Day,  Those Young Girls Can Sing the Lyrics to the Above YouTube Music Video

Once upon a Time, a boy could ride his bike to the playground and…

Sometimes a Father Needs to be a “Bad Cop” to be a “Friend”

My friend’s college daughter bought 2 tickets for a REM concert in Chicago. She planned to give one of the tickets to her 12-year old brother for his birthday gift. He was very excited. Her roommate volunteered to pick-up the tickets at the arena 2 days before the concert. But her roommate decided to keep the tickets and go to the concert with her boyfriend. The roommate even refused to reimburse my friend’s daughter for the tickets.

My friend’s daughter called him, crying. There was nothing that she could do.

So, my friend called his daughter’s roommate. He explained to her, in a calm, but very resolute voice, that he would come to their apartment with the County Sheriff, with a warrant for her arrest: Felonious theft by conversion. If she tried to avoid him. He would relentlessly hunt her down.

He would go to the Dean’s Office and explain that she committed a crime, and was avoiding arrest. He would ask for a list of all her classes, and notify all of her professors of her theft. He would obtain her parents phone number, and call them about her felony theft, and that he would pursue a conviction, to the fullest extent of the Law.

He would notify the concert arena and tell them about her theft. They should alert ushers in the section of the stolen tickets, to notify the Sheriff if she attends the concert. He would search for the name of her boyfriend, and have a warrant issued for his arrest, as an accomplice to a felony. (they were expensive tickets) He would notify her boyfriend’s professors or employer about his arrest warrant.

She should not think for a moment that my friend would not do all those things. He urged her to ask the other 2 roommates what he did to the apartment manager, who tried to cheat his daughter out of the apartment lease (Refer to May Blog Post – Relationship Category) The other 2 roommates would confirm that the father is relentless in the pursuit of the punishment of an offender to his daughter.

This theft is far worse. This theft involves 2 members of my friend’s family. One is his youngest son, who is extremely excited to attend his first rock concert, with his college sister. How cool.

My friend told the roommate thief that she had exactly One Hour to return those 2 concert tickets to his daughter. If his daughter did not call him saying that she had the 2 tickets in her possession, he would drive down to the District Attorney’s Office that night and begin the criminal process. He was not bluffing.

The Above YouTube Lyrics Capture the Essence of a father’s Relationship with His Daughter

Within 17 minutes, my friend’s daughter called him to say that she has both tickets. She asked if her roommate could apologize for taking the tickets. The girl sobbed continuously throughout her apology. My friend reassured her that her apology was accepted. And that she would not suffer any consequences for her bad behavior. She seemed relieved when he hung up.

My friend’s son & daughter enjoyed the concert. The thief learned a life lesson. His daughter knew she had a friend in her dad.

Days after the concert, my friend told his daughter that he couldn’t possibly do all the stuff that he threatened to do. The father knew that he had to create credible, intense pressure, within a very short time to respond, to panic that girl to return the tickets. It didn’t matter what he could do. All that mattered is what the roommate “Thought He Would Do”.

Sometimes a Father has to be a “Bad Cop’ to be a “Friend” to his family.

Reflections at Time of Passing

My friend served as a licensed Family Counselor at a beautiful Memorial Park Cemetery.

One day, the Park Manager escorted the parents of a daughter, who died in a plane crash, 3 days before her Wedding, into my friend’s office. The mother was sobbing. The father could barely speak. With no time to prepare anything, my friend asked, “Are you Christians?”, the father nodded, yes. My friend began to recite Scriptural verses familiar to Christians. He added a poem that he just placed on his desk. He began to say the following:

“We are fearfully and wonderfully made in the Image and Likeness of God.”

“We don’t have a soul. We are a soul. We have a body.” – C. S. Lewis
The Christian soul experiences peace & joy that the secular mind can’t imagine. We are spiritual beings, expressed through humanity – a sort of temporal parentheses, midst eternity. Our humanity is a mere transport for our soul. That is the irrefutable, immutable, absolute Truth.

Truth that our spirit is like a ship, sailing from view over the horizon, only to see the welcoming embrace of the outstretched arms, of the Redemptive Cross, on the other shore, along with family and friends of previous passing, enjoying the companionship of God.

Shakespeare asks, “What dreams may come, when we shed this mortal coil?” The Incarnation answers,

“And God so loved the world, that He sent His only Son, so that all who believe in Him, Shall not perish, but have eternal life” – an eternity of Peace, Comfort, and Joy. For “God makes all things new. No more death, nor pain, nor tears.”

 There is no value to question why God takes anyone, at any time.
“How inscrutable His judgments. How unsearchable His ways.”
We can take great solace in Psalm 116: “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.”

 Believing the above truth allows comfort to replace grief, when it’s time to say, “Auf Wiedersehen” –
“Until we meet again”.

Combined, The Above YouTube Music Video & Lyrics, along with the Poem Below, Express the Essence of the Blog Post

In the quiet stillness of the night you may hear your daughter pray:

“When I come to the end of the day, and the sun has set for me, I want no rites in a gloom filled room, why cry for a soul set free? Miss me a little, but not too long, and not with your head bowed low, Remember the loved we once shared. Miss me, but let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take, and each must go alone. It’s all part of the Maker’s plan – a step on the road to home. When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends we know. And bury your sorrows at doing good deeds. Miss me, but let me go.” –
Edgar Albert Guest

With compassion and sympathy, I pray,
“May God hold your daughter’s soul, and your hearts, in the Palm of His hand.” Amen.

The father asked if my friend would mail them a letter expressing what he had just said. My friend replied, “I’ll try.”, and then they selected an appropriate memorial. After the funeral, my friend received a phone call from the father. The father said, “Thank you for your letter: “Reflections at Time of Passing”. My wife keeps it on her nightstand, and I keep a copy taped to the dashboard of my car. It helps immensely.”

The Lyrics of this YouTube Music Video Expresses the Essence of this Blog Post

My friend sent this letter to his family & friends who suffered the loss of a loved one. He received heartfelt “Thanks” for each one sent.

If you share this blog post with someone who lost a spouse, the music video below is appropriate:

An Immigrant’s Triumph & Disaster

My friend told his youngest son about J L, his great-grandfather. J L was born in Poland in 1877 and came to America when he was 18. living with relatives He didn’t have much money and had little formal education. But J L was very bright, astute, and hard-working. He noticed things and understood people. He worked several jobs and acquired some savings. J L worked as a bartender at a saloon, in a working-class neighborhood.

Although he was only 5’ 10’’ and weighed around 155 pounds, he won every fist fight against drunks twice his size. The customers respected him, and flocked to the bar to hear his stories. J L spun fascinating yarns about almost anything. The bar owner liked the increased business that J L attracted. So, the owner sold his saloon several years later to J L, accepting monthly payments for his retirement. The saloon flourished.

With the extra money he earned as the bar owner, J L bought the grocery store across the street. Many of the wives of the guys, who drank at J L’s saloon on Friday nights, shopped at J L’s grocery store on Saturday. His reputation as a good, honest, and charming businessman spread throughout the neighborhood. Customers came because they got good products, at good prices, with good customer service. That successful formula works today.

The owner of the local Savings & Loan (Much more prosperous than the “Bailey’s Building & Loan” in “It’s a Wonderful Life”) approached J L with a lucrative business opportunity: Half ownership in a Building Supply Company that would sell concrete blocks & lumber to the S & L customers building homes. Home building was a booming business throughout the early & mid-1920’s.

The S & L owner needed J L’s Business savvy to run the company, and his great neighborhood  reputation to attract  customers. J L accepted the offer. His Building Supply business boomed.  Many of J L’s saloon  & grocery store customers built homes using  material from his company.

An Aside: J L’s daughter worked in the Building Supply Company’s Office, managing the orders, delivery slips & invoices. Her office was on the 2^nd floor. The burly truck drivers would have to walk up the stairs to get their delivery slips. One driver repeatedly “got fresh” with J L’s daughter (today’s terms would be inappropriate touching & language.) She was quite stunning.

When J L learned what was going on, he waited for that driver to reach the 2^nd from last step at the top of the office stairs. Then, with  fight skills honed from his saloon days, J L hit that truck driver squarely in the face, with a closed, bony fist, hurling the driver backwards down the stairs. No one knew how many bones were broken. No police report was filed. No other driver ever looked at J L’s daughter, much less touched her, again. Problem solved.

Back to business: Some investors invited J L to serve as a Director of a Community Bank. Others, partnered with him in land development at the outskirts of town. Then, J L learned the fundamentals and nuances of Stock Market. As with everything else, his astute, intuitive mind made even more money. Cash was flowing in from all directions. In 1928, he told his daughter, “We are worth over 2 million dollars. You will never have to worry about money for the rest of your life.”

The Stock Market Crashed in 1929. The Great Depression followed.. His various business partners sold-out his investments for 10 cents on the dollar.

The Above YouTube Video Speaks about Immigrants Coming to America, Treating Triumph & Disaster Just the Same.

He paid all the Bank depositors in full, out of his personal money (This was before the FDIC). When all the financial smoke cleared, he gave his home to his married daughter, and gave a machine shop business to his son. (Both were “Free & Clear” of any debts.) He left for Tucson, Arizona because of his asthma, with about $60,000 in his pocket. Yet, he was never bitter about his various partners selling him out short. J L  said, “Business is Business.”

Decades later, my friend and his mother & father visited J L in his 2nd floor, 1-bedroom apartment in Tucson, Arizona. My friend would walk with his grandfather to the E. F. Hutton brokerage firm downtown. There, J L would teach his 12-year old grandson how to invest in the stock market. J L lived off of stock dividends and bond interest.

This immigrant treated “Triumph & Disaster Just the Same”. While not a religious man, he intuitively knew what St. Paul wrote, “I consider everything else (But Christ) so much rubbish.” OR, what Solomon observed about possessions & pleasure, “Vanity. All is Vanity.” Hopefully, J L completed the circuit of the “Eternal Verities”, by accepting that, “We are made in the Image & Likeness of God” and like Job, in pain & loss, confirmed, “God knows me” and “My Redeemer lives”.

In any event, he was a grateful immigrant for coming to the America that Ray Charles sang about Below:

J L always thought that America was beautiful, through Triumph & Disaster.