Sometimes a Father Needs to be a “Bad Cop” to be a “Friend”

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My friend’s college daughter bought 2 tickets for a popular rock band concert in Chicago. She planned to give one of the tickets to her 12-year old brother for his birthday gift. He was very excited. Her roommate volunteered to pick-up the tickets at the arena 2 days before the concert. But her roommate decided to keep the tickets and go to the concert with her boyfriend. The roommate even refused to reimburse my friend’s daughter for the tickets.

My friend’s daughter called him, crying. There was nothing that she could do.

So, my friend called his daughter’s roommate. He explained to her, in a calm, but very resolute voice, that he would come to their apartment with the County Sherriff, with a warrant for her arrest: Felonious theft by conversion. If she tried to avoid him. He would relentlessly hunt her down.

He would go to the Dean’s Office and explain that she committed a crime, and was avoiding arrest. He would ask for a list of all her classes, and notify all of her professors of her theft. He would obtain her parents phone number, and call them about her felony theft, and that he would pursue a conviction, to the fullest extent of the Law.

He would notify the concert arena and tell them about her theft. They should alert ushers in the section of the stolen tickets, to notify the Sheriff if she attends the concert. He would search for the name of her boyfriend, and have a warrant issued for his arrest, as an accomplice to a felony. (they were expensive tickets) He would notify her boyfriend’s professors or employer about his arrest warrant.

She should not think for a moment that my friend would not do all those things. He urged her to ask the other 2 roommates what he did to the apartment manager, who tried to cheat his daughter out of the apartment lease (Refer to May Blog Post – Relationship Category) The other 2 roommates would confirm that the father is relentless in the pursuit of the punishment of the offender of his daughter.

This theft is far worse. This theft involves 2 members of my friend’s family. One is his youngest son, who is extremely excited to attend his first rock concert, with his college sister. How cool.

My friend told the roommate thief that she had exactly one hour to return those 2 concert tickets to his daughter. If his daughter did not call him saying that she had the 2 tickets in her possession, he would drive down to the District Attorney’s Office that night and begin the criminal process. He was not bluffing.

Within 17 minutes, my friend’s daughter called him to say that she has both tickets. She asked if her roommate could apologize for taking the tickets. The girl sobbed continuously throughout her apology. My friend reassured her that her apology was accepted. And that she would not suffer any consequences for her bad behavior. She seemed relieved when he hung up.

My friend’s son & daughter enjoyed the concert. The thief learned a life lesson. His daughter knew she had a friend in her dad.

Days after the concert, my friend told his daughter that he couldn’t possibly do all the stuff that he threatened to do. The father knew that he had to create credible, intense pressure, within a very short time to respond, to panic that girl to return the tickets. It didn’t matter what he could do. All that mattered is what the roommate thought he could do.

Sometimes a father has to be a “Bad Cop’ to be a “Friend” to his family.

Reflections at Time of Passing

My friend served as a licensed Family Counselor at a beautiful Memorial Park Cemetery.

One day, the Park Manager escorted into my friend’s office. the parents of a daughter, who died in a plane crash, 3 days before her Wedding. The mother was sobbing. The father could barely speak. With no time to prepare anything, my friend asked, “Are you Christians?”, the father nodded, yes. My friend began to recite Scriptural verses familiar to Christians. He added a poem that he just placed on his desk. He said the following, “Reflections at Time of Passing”:

“We are fearfully and wonderfully made in the Image and Likeness of God.”

“We don’t have a soul. We are a soul. We have a body.” – C. S. Lewis
The Christian soul experiences peace & joy that the secular mind can’t imagine. We are spiritual beings, expressed through humanity – a sort of temporal parentheses, midst eternity. Our humanity is a mere transport for our soul. That is the irrefutable, immutable, absolute Truth.

Truth that our spirit is like a ship, sailing from view over the horizon, only to see the welcoming embrace of the outstretched arms, of the Redemptive Cross, on the other shore, along with family and friends of previous passing, enjoying the companionship of God.

Shakespeare asks, “What dreams may come, when we shed this mortal coil?” The Incarnation answers,

“And God so loved the world, that He sent His only Son, so that all who believe in Him, Shall not perish, but have eternal life” – an eternity of Peace, Comfort, and Joy. For “God makes all things new. No more death, nor pain, nor tears.”

 There is no value to question why God takes anyone, at any time.
“How inscrutable His judgments. How unsearchable His ways.”
We can take great solace in Psalm 116: “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.”

 Believing the above truth allows comfort to replace grief, when it’s time to say, “Auf Wiedersehen” –
“Until we meet again”. In the quiet stillness of the night you may hear your daughter pray:

“When I come to the end of the day, and the sun has set for me, I want no rites in a gloom filled room, why cry for a soul set free? Miss me a little, but not too long, and not with your head bowed low, Remember the loved we once shared – miss me, but let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take, and each must go alone. It’s all part of the Maker’s plan – a step on the road to home. When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends we know. And bury your sorrows at doing good deeds. Miss me, but let me go.” –
Edgar Albert Guest

Above YouTube Music Video Captures the Essence of the Above Poem from the Surviving Partner’s Point of View.

Combined, the Poem & the Music Video, Enhance the Meaning of the Blog Post Message.

With compassion and sympathy, I pray,
“May God hold your daughter’s soul, and your hearts, in the Palm of His hand.” Amen.

The father asked if my friend would mail them a letter expressing what he had just said. My friend replied, “Certainly”, and then they selected an appropriate memorial. After the funeral, my friend received a phone call from the father. The father said, “Thank you for your letter. My wife keeps it on her nightstand, and I keep a copy taped to the dashboard of my car. It helps immensely.”

My friend has received many thanks for sending this letter to those who suffered the loss of a loved one. Perhaps, you can share this blog post with someone who lost a loved one.

An Immigrant’s Triumph & Disaster

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My friend told his youngest son about J L, his great-grandfather. J L was born in Poland in 1877 and came to America when he was 18. living with relatives Although he didn’t have much money and had little formal education, J L was very bright, astute, and instinctive. He noticed things and understood people. He worked several jobs and acquired some savings. J L worked as a bartender at a saloon in a working-class neighborhood.

Although he was only 5’ 10’’ and weighed around 155 pounds, he won every fist fight against drunks twice his size. The customers respected him, and flocked to the bar to hear his stories. J L spun fascinating yarns about almost anything. The bar owner liked the increased business that J L attracted. So, he sold the saloon several years later to J L, accepting monthly payments for his retirement. The saloon flourished.

With the extra money he earned as the bar owner, J L bought the grocery store across the street. Many of the wives of the guys who drank at J L’s saloon on Friday nights, shopped at J L’s grocery store on Saturday. His reputation as a good, honest, and charming businessman spread throughout the neighborhood. Customers came because they got good products, at a good price, with good customer service. That successful formula works today.

The owner of the local Savings & Loan (Much more prosperous than the “Bailey’s Building & Loan” in “It’s a Wonderful Life”) approached J L with a lucrative business opportunity: Half ownership in a Building Supply Company that would sell concrete blocks & lumber to the S & L customers building homes. Home building was a booming business throughout the early & mid-1920’s.

The S & L owner needed J L’s Business savvy to run the company, and his great neighborhood  reputation with customers. J L accepted the offer. His Building Supply business boomed.  Many of J L’s saloon  & grocery store customers built homes using  material from his company.

An Aside: J L’s daughter worked in the Building Supply Company’s Office, managing the orders, delivery slips & invoices. Her office was on the 2^nd floor. The burly truck drivers would have to walk up the stairs to get their delivery slips. One driver repeatedly “got fresh” with J L’s daughter (today’s terms would be inappropriate touching & language.) She was quite stunning.

When J L learned what was going on, he waited for that driver to reach the 2^nd from last step at the top of the office stairs. Then, with  fight skills honed from his saloon days, J L hit that truck driver squarely in the face, with a closed, bony fist, hurling the driver backwards down the stairs. No one knew how many bones were broken. No police report was filed. No other driver ever looked at J L’s daughter, much less touched her, again. Problem solved.

Back to business: Some investors invited J L to serve as a Director of a Community Bank. Others, partnered with him in land development at the outskirts of town. Then, J L learned the fundamentals and nuances of Stock Market. As with everything else, his astute, intuitive mind made even more money. Cash was flowing in from all directions. In 1928, he told his daughter, “We are worth over 2 million dollars. You will never have to worry about money for the rest of your life.”

The stock market crashed in 1929. The Great Depression followed.. His various business partners sold-out his investments for 10 cents on the dollar. (That’s why Kenny Rogers’ song, The “Gambler” said, “Never count your money while sitting at the table.”)

He paid all the Bank depositors in full, out of his personal money (This was before the FDIC). When all the financial smoke cleared, he gave his home to his married daughter, and gave a machine shop business to his son. Both were “Free & Clear” of any debts. He left for Tucson, Arizona because of his asthma, with about $60,000. Yet, he was never bitter about his various partners selling him out short. He said, “Business is Business.”

Decades later, my friend and his mother & father visited J L in his 2nd floor, 1-bedroom apartment in Tucson, Arizona. My friend would walk with his grandfather to the E. F. Hutton brokerage firm downtown. There, J L would teach his 12-year old grandson how to invest in the stock market. J L lived off of stock dividends and bond interest.

This immigrant treated “Triumph & Disaster Just the Same”. While not a religious man, he intuitively knew what St. Paul wrote, “I consider everything else (But Christ) so much rubbish.” OR, what Solomon observed about possessions & pleasure, “Vanity. All is Vanity.” Hopefully, J L completed the circuit of the “Eternal Verities”, by accepting that, “We are made in the Image & Likeness of God” and like Job, in pain & loss, confirmed, “God knows me” and “My Redeemer lives”.

In any event, he was a grateful immigrant for coming to the America that Ray Charles sang about Below:

                                                J L always thought that America was beautiful, through Triumph & Disaster.

 

God’s Providence Triumphs over Disaster

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My friend was having a cup of Hazelnut coffee at Panera with Jim, an acquaintance, who suffered a catastrophic financial loss. Unscrupulous business associates swindled him out of everything he owned, forcing him into bankruptcy and foreclosure of his home. He even lost his so-called friends. Only his wife & children stood by him.

For a few years, Jim had to live in his daughter’s home, sleeping in an upstairs’ bedroom and watching TV from a couch in the basement. When his wife got a job as a grade school teacher and he got a job as a document courier, they were able to move into their own small condo.

His job as a courier required that he drive over 400 miles a day. Jim started at 8am at the Bank’s Main Office to pick up the mail to be delivered to various Branch Banks throughout the state. At the end of the day, he picked up bags of checks to be processed at the Bank’s Main Office, where his day ended at 8pm. Jim returned home, exhausted. He was able to perform these duties while suffering from a permanent disability in both legs. The job was mainly driving.

While their combined current income provided sufficient food, clothing, and shelter, they had nothing for emergencies or retirement. Jim lost all their assets during the fraudulent swindle scheme. He also lost his $900,000 of term life insurance because he couldn’t pay the premiums. Even Jim’s death wouldn’t provide for his family.

One day, Jim got a phone call from his youngest son who got a job at the Life Insurance Company that issued his life insurance policies. The son asked if he still had his actual policies. Jim told him that they were worthless. They expired years ago because of non payment. The son insisted that he look for them. Jim found them in a box, in the basement, and sent them to his son.

A month later, Jim got a phone call from a lady who said she worked in the “Disability Waiver of Premium” Department. All of the policies that he sent had that disability waiver. She asked if Jim had all his medical records involving his permanent leg disability. He found those medical records in a box in the garage, and mailed them to her. Then she called a month later, asking for his federal Tax Returns for the 3 years prior to his disability and the 3 years after. Those were easier to find, and Jim mailed them within a few days.

About a month after all of the requested documentation was sent to the “Disability Waiver of Premium” Department, a lady called and said that she had good news:

• The Insurance Company re-instated $800,000 of his Life Insurance policies because his permanent disability occurred BEFORE he stopped paying his premiums.
• The “Waiver” required that all those policies should be converted to “Whole Life” policies that have “Cash Surrender Value”, and back-dated 6 years, to the year of reinstatement.
• Those conversions resulted in the “creation” of over $100,000 of immediate “Cash Surrender Value”, which would increase every year.

Jim was mute. He didn’t know what to say or ask. Finally, he asked if she could send him a letter confirming all the things that she told him. She replied that the letter was already in the mail. He got the letter a few days later. It confirmed exactly what she said, only with more details.

Jim’s financial life was restored. He could receive the annual increase in Cash Surrender “Dividends” as income to live on. He could receive accumulated “Cash Surrender” funds to be used for emergencies or a down payment on a new home. All of this happened without any planning on his part. It was the “Miracle” of God’s Providence. – It was the benefit of the companionship of God.

Jim discovered that God’s Providence trumped all of his clever self-reliant schemes in the past. Like Solomon discovered that all of his Wealth, Power, and Pleasure was “Vanity. All is vanity” Like Job discovered, in pain & loss, that, “God knows me.” And “My Redeemer lives.”

A relationship with God is NOT “The opium of the masses.” – like Marx said. A relationship with God is like the “Good Shepherd” who lies down in verdant pastures with me, and I shall not want.” God is waiting to be asked to share the Peace & Joy of His companionship.

The “Pot-of Gold” “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” is actually overflowing with God’s Grace.