“When a Man Loves a Woman”

My friend knew instantly, the first time when he met his “Blind Date” for dinner, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. She was he “Pretty Woman” that Roy Orbison sang about., She was the pretties woman in the room. Unfortunately, she didn’t share his enthusiasm for being together.

After eight months of relentless pursuit, her indifference morphed into affection. However, she was made an offer she couldn’t refuse. She and her female college roommate were offered teaching jobs at her favorite place on earth: Ponte Vedra, Fl. Hello Ponte Vedra, goodbye friend.

A mere 1200 mile separation would not deter my friend. He would fly down to Ponte Vedra one weekend a month. When he returned home, he would call her daily, to see how she was doing. At the end of the week, he would write a letter with Shakespearean Sonnets that captured the essence of their phone calls My friend needed to do this to distract her from the hard-body beach boys swirling around her, daily.

The above YouTube music video Expresses the Mesmerizing Allure of a Pretty Woman.

During my friend’s 1^st visit, he was scrutinized by her favorite uncle, Bob. Bob arranged a round of golf & lunch at the 5-Star Ponte Vedra Resort, along with his 2 close friends: a Federal Judge and a Wealthy Businessman. The group and setting were quite an intimidating gauntlet for a 25-year-old guy to pass.

But, uncle Bob, the Judge, and Businessman dropped he “Inquisition” around the 6^th hole, and began to enjoy my friend’s golf skills, natural charm, and quick wit. They enjoyed the rest of the round accepting my friend’s compliments of their good shots and laughing at his humor. The lunch that followed was more of the same, with everyone shaking hands afterwards and leaving with a smile on their faces.

Bob’s report to his wife, Joan, was immediately transmitted to her niece & sister.. Perhaps, a more effective examination would occur the next day, at the beach. The plan was to catch my friend “off-guard”, in a relaxed setting: Sun, Sand, and Pina Coladas.

The reverse happened. My relaxed friend was even more charming and witty than the day before. Joan caught herself gushing at his compliments and amused by his humor. A fun time was had by all. His girlfriend noticed.

His 2^nd visit was spent with his girlfriend’s roommates & friends, to get a more contemporary evaluation. They went to casual dining places, bars with bands, or just hung out at the apartment’s pool. One afternoon, all the roommates suddenly left, leaving my friend alone, with his girlfriend, for hours. She was very affectionate.

His 3^rd visit was more like a victory lap. No more scrutiny. No more “tests”. Just the sheer enjoyment of each other’s company, whether with relatives & friends, or time spent alone, with each other.

The next month, he sent his girlfriend a picture & the floor plan of the 2-story, 3-bedroom, brick home that he bought. (He gave up his 6th-story, chick-magnet, elegant apartment, with a “Baby Grand Piano,  over-looking Lake Michigan.) The following month, she quit her job, came home, and they were engaged. They got married 6-months later.

Above YouTube Music Video Captures the Essence of the Blog Post Message

When a man loves a woman, “There ain’t no mountain high enough, ain’t no valley low enough, to keep him from her.”

Kindness Begets Kindness

After a complex surgery, my friend couldn’t stand or walk. Confined to a wheelchair, he needed a Transport Van to get him from his home to the outpatient clinic, for physical therapy. All of the drivers picked him up in his driveway, and dropped him off in the clinic’s driveway, then reversed the process for the return trip home.

Except one driver.

• That driver would wheel him from inside his home to the van,
• And then from the van, inside into the clinic, to the Reception Desk.
• When my friend was finished with his therapy, the driver would come into the clinic and wheel my friend into the van.
• After the ride home, that driver wheeled him from the van inside into his home, rain or shine.

One day, this kind driver seemed unusually troubled. He still performed all of his extra acts of kindness without complaint. But the driver’s heightened distress was palpable. My friend felt compelled to assuage his anxiety.

So, he told the driver a poetic verse from Kipling’s poem, “If”: “If you meet with Triumph or Disaster, treat those two imposters just the same.”

Then, he told the driver Emerson’s verse about “Success”:

• “Success is to laugh often and much.
• To earn the respect of intelligent people, and the affection of children.
• And to know, that even one life breathed easier because you lived.”

My friend told the driver, “You clearly made my life breathe easier. You certainly are a success.”

For all of the driver’s acts of kindness, regardless of personal circumstance, my friend told him that he deserved a “Blessing”:

“May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm on your face, and the rain fall soft on your fields.
And for the rest of your personal & professional life,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.”

With a wide smile and tears in his eyes, the driver said, “Thanks. I really needed that today. I am a recovering alcoholic, and some days are harder than others. That helps a lot.”

When they met a week later, their mutual smiles were enough said. My friend handed the driver an envelope. Inside the envelope were the “Words to Live By” that my friend had given to his 4 children upon their graduation from High School & College, as a gyroscope for their souls.

There is a genuine, rock-solid, Communion of Souls that whisper to each other to fill the holes in our hearts. Some call it, “Random Acts of Kindness”. It’s actually the Gift of Grace that flows from one member of the Mystical Body of Christ to another.

Kindness begets kindness.

The world would be a better place if we just made someone happy. Just one someone happy.

Being the “Right Man”

My friend met with 2 of the 17 women authors of the book, “The Breakthrough Effect”. The 17 women authors chronicled their gut-wrenching, actual experiences of physical, emotional, and financial abuse, often starting from their wedding day, and continuing thereafter. The greatest source of abuse, common to most of their stories, was a bad choice of their first husband.

One of the common denominators of their “Breakthrough” to overcome their entrapment in an awful life, was their good selection of their second husband, the “Right Man”. The Book Publisher asked my friend to write a blog post about the character traits of the “Right Man”. My friend relied on the sage insights of poets, inspirational leaders, and the Bible to construct the spine of attributes of the “Right Man”.

A good start is with Kipling urging his son, “Being lied about, don’t deal in lies. Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating. Yet, don’t look too good, nor talk too wise.” Equally spot-on, is Emerson’s observation about “Success”: “Success is to laugh often and much. To earn the respect of intelligent people, and the affection of children. And to know, that even one life breathed easier, because you have lived.” That advice is congruent to Christ saying, “Love one another, as I (Christ) have loved you.” (Unconditionally.)

Likewise, Mother Theresa counter-intuitively advises,

• “If you are honest, people may deceive you. Be honest anyway.
• If you are kind, people may accuse you of being selfish (manipulative). Be kind anyway.
• All the good that you do will be forgotten by others tomorrow. Do good anyway.
• If you are Successful, you will garner some true enemies. Succeed anyway.
• What you create, others can destroy. Create anyway
• If you find Serenity &Happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
• If you give the world the best you have, it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.                                                                                        
• Some people are unreasonable, illogical, and hurtful, Forgive them anyway.
  
• Because in the end, it’s between you and God.
  It was never between you and anyone else. Anyway.”

The Above YouTube Music Video Captures the Essence of this Blog Post Message

Equally important, Rick Warren observed, “Life is not about you.

• After all, with one exception (you), the world is made up of others.”
• It’s not about the secular culture’s mantra of, “What’s in it for me?”
• It’s not the push-pull of Wall Street’s greed to satisfy Madison Avenue’s gratuitous wants.

Shakespeare smartly identifies the fruits of those poisonous trees, “Lives that strut and fret their hour upon the stage, to be heard no more”, and “Lives full of sound and fury, signifying, nothing.” Sadly, so many succumb to the self-absorbed Secular Culture, waking up so lost, in a place so dark.

The “Right Man” recognizes that he was made “In the image & likeness of God.” And that the Divine became human so that humanity can share in the Divine. Acceptance of that reality allows the Right Man:

• “To do more than what is expected of him”- Patton.
• It allows him to be “The man in the arena, muddied & bloodied, whether he has won or lost, who is honored, and not the cold, timid soul on the side line, who has tasted neither victory, nor defeat.” – Teddy Roosevelt.
• So then, “He can watch the truth he’s spoken, twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools. And watch the things he gave his life to broken, yet stoop, and build them up with worn out tools.” – Kipling.

That’s the stuff the Right man is made of.

The Above YouTube Music Video Expresses the Essence of Being The Right Man. God is the antecedent of “You” in the above music video.

Most important, all of those above traits form the strong spine of the “Right Man” who can encourage his wife “To stand on mountains. To comfort her during stormy seas. To be strong, by standing on his shoulders, to be all that she can be.” – Josh Groban.

Ultimately, it’s the sharing of God’s Grace flowing through him to his wife, and to his family & friends, that elevates him to be the “Right Man”: Strong. Productive. Supportive. With a Woman: Trusting. Loving. Beautiful. –  Like the “Ice Dancers” skating harmoniously apart, then together, until the end of Time.

After all, the Right Man is part of a Lasting Relationship by being the “Wind beneath Her Wings”, as sung Below:

 

And when “The Right Man” suffer the “Slings & Arrows of Outrageous Fortune”, he knows to treat “the Two Imposters of Triumph & Disaster, just the Same”.

So, Nothing & No One can hurt the “Right Man”. Nor, divert him from his conviction of being made in the Image & Likeness of God, or from his mission to make another Life breathe easier, by loving others, expecting nothing in return.

 

A Family’s Enduring Friendship with a Stranger.

Forty years ago, my friend got a phone call from a stranger about a week before Christmas. The stranger said that he played “Santa” for his next-door neighbor’s kids. Her kids had grown, and there is no need for “Santa” anymore. “Your neighbor thought that your younger kids might like “Santa” to visit their home.” My friend wanted to check with his neighbor, and then call him back.

The neighbor said that he was a phenomenal “Santa”. He would call a few days before Christmas, and ask about things for a “Naughty & Nice” list. Things that the kids thought no one knew. He also asked that one gift for each person would be put into a large, plastic, lawn bag, which would be placed outside, behind the shrubs, near the front door. Santa would put the plastic bag inside his white cloth Santa sack of gifts. Her kids loved him.

My friend called “Santa” back and was given the same set of instructions.  Santa charged  “Nothing” for visiting the entire night. Santa explained that his wife died, and his children were grown and gone. He just wanted to make one family happy at Christmas. when my friend asked, “But what about celebrating Christmas with your other relatives and friends?” Santa said that he was Jewish. My friend thanked him profusely.

When the door-bell rang on Christmas Eve, there stood in the doorway a magnificent, jolly, Santa bellowing, “Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas”. He walked into their home with a large, white sack on his back. (He made the Santa in the “Miracle on 34^th Street” look like an imposter.) Time stood still. Then, everyone excitedly welcomed “Santa’ into their Living Room. My friend gestured for Santa to sit in in the large, comfortable wing-chair, by the grandfather clock. The excitement in the room was palpable.

Dad was first to sit on “Santa’s” lap. The kids squealed in delight when “Santa” told dad about a “Naughty” thing he did last year. When “Santa said that dad was nice most of the time, his wife laughed a bit too loud. “Santa” gave dad a gift that he always wanted. And so it went throughout the evening – laughs & smiles – gifts & gratitude – hugs & kisses. It was a Christmas Eve like no other. When the sack was empty, “Santa” stood, and said, “Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas” as he walked to the door. (My friend handed “Santa” an envelope with a “Gift” for whomever “Santa” chose.) Their eyes met. Nothing was said. But both men parted with lighter hearts.

And so it went, year after year, the children grew.  “Santa” was always spot-ion with his “Naught & Nice” list, much to the delight of everyone (But the person on “Santa’s” lap). Until the phone rang a month before Christmas, and Santa said that his company transferred him to a city 1,000 miles away. “Santa” couldn’t come to his home that Christmas Eve, or ever again. The silence seemed like an eternity before my friend said, “Good luck. You brought more joy to our home than you can imagine. You are a kind & loving man. I hope my children become like you. God Bless.” There were several sobs, before the phone “clicked”.

The mood at the family dinner table that night was like a friend had died. Yet, “Santa” was a stranger. No one ever saw his “real” face. No one even knew his name. Yet, every Christmas Eve, Santa brought a “Gift” to the family that couldn’t fit into his large, white, cloth sack. Every Christmas Eve since then, was missing something.

A few years later, my friend was walking through a restaurant, when he heard someone call out his name. He turned, but didn’t recognize anyone. “It’s me. Santa.” It was the first time that my friend saw Santa’s real face. They talked for a while, catching up on what happened since Santa left town. Then my friend asked if “Santa” could come to his home for Christmas Eve. There was an awkward silence.

My friend continued, “My wife’s mother had immensely enjoyed “Santa’s” visits. However, her health was failing after her 2nd heart valve replacement. This might be her last Christmas. “Santa” nodded. He would need the usual information about everyone there.

My friend’s wife couldn’t contain herself. She was like a giddy school girl. Her mother shared her glee. They both got on the phone inviting relatives & friends.. The list of “Naughty & Nice” would boggle Einstein’s mind. When the door bell rang on Christmas Eve, everyone rushed to the front door, like “Storming the Bastille”.

My friend composed himself, and quieted the mob. But, when the front door opened, all hell broke loose. You could barely hear “Santa” say, “Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas.” My friend’s Mother-in-Law was the first to sit on “Santa’s” lap. There was nothing “Naughty” for “Santa” to tell her.

“Santa” said, “You are the most w0nderful person ever to sit on my lap. Fifteen years ago, you had the courage to survive the experimental “Pig-Valve” replacement heart surgery. Then 5 years ago, you gracefully endured a 2^nd heart valve replacement surgery, as the 1^st valve was tearing away from your heart. I cannot give you a better gift, then being surrounded by your 3 children, 4 grandchildren, and a roomful of genuine friends who wish you, “Merry Christmas”.

The room erupted with a joyous “Merry Christmas” that rivaled the heavens & shepherds singing at the 1^st Christmas, in Bethlehem. The Rockefeller Center “Tree Lighting Ceremony” pales by comparison.

It took hours for everyone to sit on Santa’s lap. One neighbor had tears rolling down his cheeks when “Santa” told him that he would be “Retiring” soon. And, because he was a “Scotsman”, he would enjoy playing St. Andrews in the summer. The neighbor was flabbergasted. And so it went for the rest of the night, until Santa told everyone their “Naughty & Nice” story, and gave them a gift. Everyone treasured Santa more than their gift.Santa kissed my friend’s mother-in-law on the cheek when he left.

She died a week later.

Perhaps, St. Peter was wearing a “Santa” outfit when he welcomed her into heaven.

My friend never had a better friend than that “Stranger”.